melissaaudrey's Journal

I miss my bestfriend

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 05:46:32 GMT

I want to know

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:36:30 GMT

how gossiping gradually turned into talking shit on the daily. Who am I?

I, too, need to change back into the person I once was, the person I'd like to be.

hypocrisy at it's finest

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 22:45:36 GMT

(the following post means a lot to me.)

I am not always right. And I accept that.

It just bothers me when people express how they feel very strongly about one thing, and the next moment they’re going against exactly what they were all about before! Come on.

Don’t sit there, talk to me about how excessive drinking is bad, and make me promise you that I would never smoke, never intentionally inhale anything except oxygen, talking about about how it’s no good for you, about how you would never, and make me the same promise back—and then go against your word.

Don’t try to tell me to my face, that you are a Christian, that God only knows what’s best for you, that your purpose is to spread the word of God and Jesus, that you look down upon Catholics for many reasons I do not dare to ask you, and then go off, be sneaky, and live lifestyles that Christians wouldn’t even approve of.

It’s really starting to get on my nerves how people can come at me like that. I’ve stuck to my word; do promises mean anything to you? As for the religious aspect, I am not the best Catholic out there, but I still stick to the morals that I was always taught, that I was brought up with and have always believed in.

my bestfriend.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 05:20:39 GMT

Honestly the only guy in my life that has ever meant anything to me.
Just thought I'd share this picture cuz it made me laugh.
The LCD screen on my webcam is broken, & when I uploaded pictures I got this. Hahaha.

senior pictures pt. 2

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 02:38:20 GMT

:( blehhhh

senior pics

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 01:46:58 GMT

I took my senior pictures today, but I only liked my eyes:

Bye!

first day of senior yr

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 02:12:42 GMT

This was taken in yrbk, on the first day of school.

2nd week of senior yr and it's whatever, hahaha. I'm always tired when I get home, though. It would probably be better if I wasn't sick :(

I love you.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:44:39 GMT

God, I cannot remember the last time I couldn’t control my breathing because of crying so much… Kristine, you have seriously been there for me for as long as I can remember. 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd, 5th, 6th, all of middle school and high school.. Through everything. My parents’ divorce. Paolo. My harsh jokes and all of the crap I’ve put you through. I look and you’re still standing next to me. You’ve done everything you could to still be right next to me. I regret not telling you often how much you truly mean to me.

I wish we could hang out every day. I wish we could do things together that we’ve never done before. I wish we just had more time.

It’s finally hitting me that you’re moving.

senior yr

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:09:28 GMT

I've gotten the best and worst of summer. Senior yr starts Monday.

steam from the tea pot.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 05:37:14 GMT

Okay, if this is Mother Nature's way of being tricky then I am starting to dislike her. Can I just be irregular again? Please? I am so easily irritable lately. PMS can suck it

I don't know where to start.

I should be happy, & be excited for tomorrow even though the whole reason why we're even having this bbq is cuz of something depressing -_- Gah. Sometimes I can't even believe it... I've only cried once. But everytime I think about it I start to tear up. When this was happening 2 yrs ago we got so lucky, but now it's really happening... Kristine, my best friend since 1st grade, is moving to Hawaii. God. Heart breaking, seriously. She's really stuck by me these past 11 yrs. No one knows how appreciative I really am when it comes to her. Holy crap. I'm going to miss her.

Next. I'm such an idiot. I'm seriously mad at B right now -_- nothing too serious. But my hair still smells like chlorine after a shower. And he was also being a jerk today. Wtf. I sound so ridiculous right now. Now I'm questioning myself (I'm stupid). I love the fact that one day, he really knows how to cheer me up, but then the next day he pisses me off. He's the only person that can do that. We're total opposites. Seriously. But we get along, and he's my best friend. Okay. I'm dropping it and I'm gonna apologize to him for being mad.. It's not worth it at all -_-

What's wrong with meee -________-

SO HAPPY

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:54:33 GMT

Forget AP Chem, I knew I wouldn't get a good score but I PASSED AP LIT & APUSH!! 3's on both test = one letter grade bump = A's in both classes :) YES. Hellooo 4.5!!!

So proud of myself right now...you don't even know.

so far

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:08:07 GMT

6/15

6/22

6/28

7/1

moving :( since '98..

7/3

:)

ps. I need more girl friends -_-

bestfwend

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:43:33 GMT

"If there’s ever a tomorrow when we’re not together, there’s something you should remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you."
- Christopher Robin, Pooh's Grand Adventure

So grateful for him, esp when it comes to late night stupidity.

blessed

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:17:32 GMT

1. How many times can I thank you for being in my life? Seriously. You are my other half. I tell you everything. you know me as well as I know myself and I wouldn't doubt it if you knew me even better than that. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me, for everything you have taught me about life and for introducing me to so many different people, things and ideas. For this, I owe you my life. You keep me grounded at all times and I know that I can count on you whenever I need. We've been through everything together - things I would never have imagined. I know this is corny, but it makes me cry how beautiful our friendship is. I don't know what I'd do without you. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. Never forget that. I don't think anyone could feel as lucky as I do every day. I should tell you this more often.

2. I'm amazed that we've come this far. I know I've told you already that I never expected to find a best friend in you, but I'm soo glad that I did. We've been through a lot as well. Thank you for sticking with me these past 3 years, regardless of anything. We've learned that life isn't such a smooth ride but we can definitely get through it. I know I can talk to you about anything and everything without hesitation. Thank you for all the advice you've ever given me. Thank you for helping me grow in my faith. You've helped me realize a lot, and it's made me a better person. I like the security I feel when it comes to our friendship. You know that I am here for you at all times. You may not be a jock, nor be the valedictorian of your class, but you are amazing. Please do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

I love you two and am so blessed to call you two my best friends.

twitter fast - 3 days

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 23:29:20 GMT

i hate that you always take what i say and make me feel bad about saying it when the way you interpret it wasn't even my intention -_-

part 2

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:09:20 GMT

from a friend:

“I feel like I have no one I can turn to, no one I can put on speed dial, no one I can go and bug at their house everyday.”
“Maybe it’s due to the fact that I don’t get to spend much time with my friends. That could be one huge reason, because I love my girls and I know they’d be there for everything. It’s just that… I’m not used to calling them up in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I feel like such an outcast in the group, everybody has their other half and I’m stuck with an other half who found another one to connect with.”
“I miss having “tacofests” and just not caring about anything other than making weird noises and laughing. There’s no need for vices, just food with drink and smiles.”

I think, somewhere deep down, we all feel this way..in one way or another. I still have Rose and Kristine, for sure. but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like crap when it comes to what was “The Ark”. I hate that it’s come to this, but it is what it is… I’m pretty sure Kat hates me right now. Things are all messed up, and I don’t know what to do about it anymore, or if I even want to do anything. I’m kind of relieved that all of this happened right before the summer, because I don’t have to put up with the awkwardness and tensions at school…but at the same time it’s just gonna make it harder to chill over summer. Wahh. But for now, like I said, it is what it is.
----
My bad for trying to do nice things for my friends, btw. Since when was that illegal? Can't believe you had the audacity to talk about me to my own best friend over stupid things. I gave you no reason to dislike me. Whatever. This whole time I've tried to stay friends with you, and this is how it turns out. I always knew there was something you had against me, but finding out what just surprised me. I know you're mad at me. My bad for looking out for him.

letting off some steam

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:09:03 GMT

sick of trying. sick of lying. sick of watching what I have to say! it's ridiculous, & I'm glad that I'm not the only one who's noticed it anymore. I'm sorry, I never meant to harbor any ill feelings towards you. but, what can I do if that's just how you make me feel? I never know what to say when I'm around you, I never know what kind of mood you're in or if you'll even respond to me. thanks for making it so hard to be around, because honestly, I don't want to be anymore. it's hard esp when you look back to how it used to be. I wonder if you know you're even like this...probably not. it's okay. whatever. it's been like this for who knows how many months now. everything's always just whatever.

oh yea, & I'm sorry I just don't want you two together anymore. you shouldn't have said what you said, or phrased it the way you did. I don't like it. and if it's like that, then he deserves better.

my own Lucas

Sun, 31 May 2009 06:19:48 GMT

I think the [technical] absense of a father figure in my life has left me still grasping for something I don't have. I've always wished I had an older brother (too late for that). I've always adored the character Lucas from One Tree Hill because he was such an amazing best friend to Haley (and yes, I also thought he was sooo hot). I think it's super cute when two best friends spend so much time with each other. There's a lot of security there. Idk. I get kinda jealous when I see those types of friendships, haha -_- I guess I just want someone who's protective over me and shows they truly care cus I've never really had that. I seriously want my own Lucas :'(

growing up

Wed, 27 May 2009 02:11:56 GMT

3 more weeks until I basically become a senior. I can't believe it. Yesterday my mom brought up how I was graduating soon, and she was so shocked. Tell me about it. It's so crazy how it's necessary to think about college: what college I want to go to, what I need to do to get into that college, what I need to do to prepare for college in general... Gah. So much. I'm excited, but at the same time scared. And I still have a year left!

I don't know why but I'm thinking about how much everything's gonna change, esp when it comes to my friends. We're so comfortable with each other and used to being around each other but it's so weird thinking about how that's all gonna change within so little time. It's scary thinking about how much there is to lose, esp when I feel like it's slowly washing away now! So scary. I hate thinking about this, and it doesn't help that lately I've been so sentimental about everything. Wahh. I mean, who knows if I'll even remain close with my best friends, who knows who's really leaving, who knows anything... I'm terrified. I realized that I'm not so independent.

I wish everyone would stay in San Diego with me :'( I really don't want to leave home. The farthest I'll go is Irvine but even that is kind of far! All my friends are planning to leave, though... I've never really felt an urge to leave home, while my friends do. I guess it's because my momma's not strict with me at all; she lets me do what I want as long as it's reasonable and I let her know where I am and stuff. I don't lie to her (mostly because I'm really a terrible liar).

On a different (yet not lighter -_-) note - last night I watched the season premiere of Jon & Kate + 8. Lame right? I just wanted to find out what was going on with them becus I used to watch that show alll the time. But I found out it was a bad idea. At first, I didn't care if they separated or what not becus honestly, how could he live his life with someone as controlling as she was? (Hear me out here, before you ask yourself why I'm blogging about a reality show) I used to say, "Wow I hate the excuse 'we're in it for the kids'" because I thought it was so ridiculous. No matter what age, it's gonna affect them. Then I watched the show. Honestly, it killed me. Brought back so many memories that I thought I didn't even care about, but when Alexis was talking to Jon... oh my God I started crying. "Daddy I don't want you to leave anymore." That KILLED me. It was terrible. I remember the night my dad left...clearly. I've never really talked to anyone about it. I was bawling so hard that night.

And what makes me feel even more guilty is that over the past 3-4 years I couldn't care less about spending time with him. I totally regret that now, but sometimes I feel like it's too late to rebuild anything I used to have with him. I don't like his new wife, at all. I always wonder what would have happened if my mom wasn't such a smart woman and just didn't kick him out... Would he have stayed? He cheated on my mom. I've never really forgiven him but I just got over it... Also, what doesn't help at ALL is that I feel like my sister's his favorite... She's the one who joined something that he decided to take part in, she's the one who wins awards for being good at what she does and he always shows how he's so proud of her... I feel like a complete failure. Gah Idk. All I've got is my brains and even that isn't really great -__-

K, whatever. Time to find something to make myself feel better.

Mon, 25 May 2009 23:58:26 GMT

I can’t even remember when you actually made the effort to come hang out with me, but it feels like it was the day this picture was taken (about a year ago, punk). We only see each other when I go to bible study, when I go to keep you company at your gf’s lax game, or just whenever you happen to be around. But now I don’t go to bible study & lax is over. Note that I’m the one to find a way to you. You always find reasons not to come out, and I understand when it’s becus of family, but dang that sucks. Whatever. Why does it even bother me?

sometimes it's hard to care

Fri, 22 May 2009 00:10:48 GMT

1. It's been so long! Crazy long, but I know you're happy. Sometimes it just amazes me. But lately we've exchanged a few words and a lot of the time I even wonder if you'll respond to me. It's okay if you don't. Just know, after all this time I still pray for you every Sunday.

2. I guess the reason I've been listening to this music is because subconciously, it reminds me of you. I really do love you...I wonder if you know that. Yes, sometimes I feel like I hate your guts but when it comes down to it, I wish I had developed a relationship with you like my sister did. I know she gets mad a lot, but that's not how I am. I wouldn't.

3. Things never change with you...ever. That's why I never feel the need to talk to you about this. I'm sorry if you want me to. It's just...that equilibrium you always make fun of me for, slowly disintegrates. I'm just tired of feeling like I put in all the effort to keep in touch, seriously. You know I do. You'll always remain that same, special person to me. But maybe I should just stop making you a priority, when I'm just an option.

Sun, 17 May 2009 17:50:08 GMT

kevinneedsansn (10:47:37 AM): hi melissa!
ee esuhh is on (10:47:45 AM): hi kevin :-)
kevinneedsansn (10:47:55 AM): watcha doin
ee esuhh is on (10:48:02 AM): nothing
ee esuhh is on (10:47:09 AM): gotta get for church soon lol
kevinneedsansn (10:48:16 AM): oh
kevinneedsansn (10:48:18 AM): me too!
ee esuhh is on (10:48:25 AM): lol
kevinneedsansn (10:48:29 AM): i was wondering
kevinneedsansn (10:48:52 AM): do you have pokemon diamind or pearl
ee esuhh is on (10:48:56 AM): no wtf
kevinneedsansn (10:49:05 AM): HAHAH
----
o_o, keep in mind we haven't talked online in ages, in forever ...hahahahahaha

Wed, 13 May 2009 01:19:09 GMT

What the hell, why is everyone at my school so obsessed with this dumb dance?!
Kay, so these guys are actually in a dance crew type thing. Eastlake all Male -_-
But all my guy friends all jerk, at any given time! I think it's ridiculous.
Classroom tables. AP exams. Truck beds. Parking lots. You name it...they've done it.
Why won't this dance be buried along with the word "hella"!!

tweets

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 03:30:30 GMT

1. you thought you were fat at 123lbs, try checking your bmi and realizing you're far past overweight.
2. I hate hearing the words "Melissa, come and eat!"
3. why does my mom continue to get mad when I don't go down to eat right away
4. why am I too lazy to go to the damn gym
5. I hate that technically, to you I am considered a hippo.
6. I swear the other day you called me a fat fuck, and it hurt
7. I'm tired of complaining but never doing anything about it. -_-
8. I'm too
9. damn
10. lazy.

kristine's birthday

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 01:30:31 GMT

I have a headache, but I'm bored.
here are some of the pictures from Sunday.

hahahahahahah